Yeah, shes a damn hero /s. NTA - I would suggest checking in with your fianc on how you can best support him and letting him know you stabs by him 100% (this should include after the wedding) It seems strange that the tire slashing wasnt the last straw but it will only escalate if you bend. My dad taught us how to change oil, mom taught us how to change tires, and our entire lives we helped them with home projects as big as installing a pocket door in our old house. And your mom isnt any better for enabling them. They could have killed him. They are vandalism, destruction of property, and attempted murder. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. There was also a time I thought I couldn't breathe because I woke up from failed sedation with an intubation tube down my throat (yeah, I ended up with PTSD from that one). There's plenty of air, he should just breathe. Poor Tim. NTA - hold your ground. And he was abused/ hazed. this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny. I call this sort of thing radioactive stupidity. Also what prank is there in slashing someone's tires? They bullied him and did illegal things. Half the stuff they did could land them in jail if he wanted to press charges. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. Dont let them go to your wedding. Must be tire then! Seriously. Do not invite them back! AmItheAsshole Original. Negligent homicide is a whole different ballgame. Only ones he were allowed to see where my grandparents. If YOU don't drive a wedge between you and your family over this, what kind of partner would you be? If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. Thats a crime and in some cases fatal. If I were Tim, I'd have been long gone when she didn't put a stop to it after the first round of "tests.". i suppose it could be possible, but she wanted to go with me up until she got better seats. The first rule of practical jokes is that they should never have a victim. "We just wanted to see if he would be able to save himself with no brakes, because if he can't he clearly isn't a manly man like us". Or the panic and other feelings all together when you feel you cant breathe. Let her tell dad and let him digest that. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. Congrats on your wedding and good luck! I was sitting down looking at daddy-daughter dance songs when I got the urge to just text and confirm he will be able to make it to my wedding. It seems uour fiance has been rejected from the toxic masculinity club. Please keep discussions within the posts of this sub. i dont listen to this artist but she begged (and i mean BEGGED) me to buy a ticket and go with her because nobody else would (shed already asked her other step-sister before asking me). Were your father and uncle also tested ? Your fianc deserves your support and protection from your asshoke family members. It should've been stopped long before this. Id cut this family off completely. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. OP found somebody committed to her. I literally freaked out because I definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance I had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. Same here. I hadnt thought about it in those terms, but that is exactly what they were doing. Your family already drove that wedge, not Timmy. NTA. Your fiance doesn't deserve this. Talk with Tim about it and ask about his genuine opinion. And if you have kids do you want them to be raised with this toxic environment. Maybe don't also make fun of his name and add to the problem? That is bullying plan and simple and it could have harmed him. You're siblings are just pissed because now they'll be targeted. Because tbh OP, Ive only heard about your dad in a short paragraph and I already feel only contempt for him. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/AmItheAsshole, Comments are in random ordering and vote scores are hidden. They really need to understand that their action could have had serious consequence (luckily it didn't). NTA- tell your Dad you have 0 respect for him and if he needs to bully someone to feel like a real man he needs to realise what a small man he really is. You know they will play a horrible prank during the ceremony. They have intentionally tried to belittle him and make him feel like hes not welcome in the family. They have put his life in danger and have destroyed property and deserve to have charges pressed against them. The fact that she let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling. For me, the slashed tires would be the moment where I call the police. They all sound like the very worst the patriarchy has to offer and the fact that you are still in regular contact with them and subject the man you love to their dumb bullying is worrisome, to say the least. Thats emotional blackmail. The doctor in the hospital decided I was just a drug seeker. NTA you protect your husband. Words simultaneously have no meaning at all and all of their possible meanings. And asking for help instead of making a mistake that can be hella dangerous on the road is lazy?? What they did is unacceptable. Today the victim is your fiance. You have my sword!! A lot. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. I don't know how mild/severe his asthma is. What is going to happen if you have kids? So basically your family members thought it'd be funny to see him end up in a life threatening situation. Even if its treatable? See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Based on how they are described I highly doubt theres would be the type of people to actually confess to hiding his inhaler if he died before he found out and told OP. 3 months from diagnosis to dead. As someone with severe asthma I am absolutely infuriated on Tim's behalf. - Reddit, I mean GONDOR calls for aid!! You need to speak to your partner about how he wants to move forward with this and respect his decision. I'm not sure I had the same wherewithal at that age. What they have done to him is downright CRIMINAL. Look: I know its hard to discover that the way you grew up isnt actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. (ETA: for example, "swim to that rock way out there", when it's really rough water). What if they show up trying to get revenge or prank him ruining your special day together (which we all know they would). Except this case you would be freeing both of you from bullying. This is THE hill to die on. Your family is a bunch of assholes. Honestly we should make a sister sub for AITA. You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest! Hiding the inhaler was criminal! All of them can go fuck themselves. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. Yeah It took me way too long to realise that the crime there is very simple. What type of BS is this? NTA - I cant believe these guys play chess. She has a shitty family and needs to go to therapy to unlearn the unhealthy dynamic she grew up in. Isnt it weird they think the respect they have for him matters? They probably feel less than because he's a college boy (that's the thing they have pointed out) so they are all proving that they are actually real men while he isn't. Well it's not like the asthma is real anyway, so why would he really need it? . NTA. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. True. You are NTA for sticking up for your fiance, but you will be if you let them into your wedding and don't go low/no contact. Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. It all feels sketchy but truly crossed the line when they put his health at risk. I cant believe how many people are saying NTA. He'd still be here if his thinking wouldn't have been "I'm not going to the doctor, they just find things wrong with you." I hope they compensated him for the slashed tires! OP, it sounds like the men in your family are jerks and hoping your future husband wont disrupt their dysfunction. Luckily, you can and should choose your family. Oh wait. I would've called police on them after the tire incident. The question shouldnt be whether or not theyre invited to your wedding. I'm sure that if you let them back in, they're going to haze your fiance more. If my partners familt slashed my tirrs as a "test" I would have RUN from you and your toxic family! Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! NTA- they slashed his tires? Who do they think they are? Rejecting feminine things like healthy social connections literally shortens their lives. Youre NTA for uninviting them but you may be TA for letting your family take the disrespect are far as they have and then downplaying their actions. Feeling like your body is not getting enough oxygen is a scary ass experience, one that I would never wish on anyone. They refuse to even apologize for trying to kill your fiance. I thought slashing tyres was a crime? Pranks where people can legitimately die are rarely funny. i cant blame OP because she is too young, she cant probably go no contact with them and the fiance would be in worse situations after the wedding. Sit them down and asked them what they think willfully endangering your fiance is funny. Now I'm not a kid anymore - I'm as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I'm going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my. NTA, if I'm 'Tim ' that prank hiding my inhaler will land op 'dad, brother, cousin and uncle' in jail for attempting murder. What are they going to do to test manliness? I personally have no qualms with cutting people out of my life if they're cruel or indulge cruelty. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. So, he leaned into my husband's strengths, which was his extreme empathy and ability to navigate social situations and deal with mental health issues (husband is a social worker now, was studying to be one at the time). Just as an aside, do you know what it is like to try and stand up, do the right thing, or even just express a new opinion, and have people laugh you off or talk over you just because you're a small, female-born, young-looking individual? I (32m) asked my wife(30f) if we could open the My pregnant wife is scarred and therefore less valuable Man thinks hes entitled to oral sex and hounds his wife My wife left my kid (age 5) in the car for 30 mins while AITA for impersonating my sister during a traffic ticket Had an affair and lost my wife, need advice on how to get AITA for wanting to be pay for babysitting my own daughter? I hope she doesnt cut off the family for him, but for herself. Be sure to throw in about how they are sissies and not very manly for not making it through this simple challenge without help. Problem was I need my car for work. To be honest car repair shop still works. Theyre literally vandalizing a vehicle and engaging in medical abuse to prove some sort of sick and twisted toxic masculinity flex. Because frankly, If I was your fianc, stealing the inhaler would have been my breaking point and I would have called off the wedding completely. So if Tim had dropped dead at their feet, would they have congratulated him for passing the test? Buy wedding insurance first, add the cancellation policy, then cancel so lost deposits are covered by insurance wedsafe.com (am a wedding planner). If you dont, it might literally become the hill your fianc dies on because they might hide his inhaler again. Actually I'd call OP TA for continuing to expose Tim to this. On of my very adult colleagues is called "Timmy" by everyone, and if you call him "Tim" he'll (nicely) correct you. Throughout high school I didnt live with my mom or spend as much time with her as I shouldve,which I feel bad about now. Trying to punish them runs the risk of them pretending to go along with it as long as theyre forced to, then taking it out on someone (probably Tim) the second they get the opportunity. Cut these assholes off and don't look back. Live your life, be Happy, graduate, write on reddit, do whathever you want with YOUR Life. Saving this comment and links because this makes me think of my own dad so much right now. NTA. They definitely are. They could have killed him by hiding his inhaler. OOP can fucking choke. They didn't even stick around so if he had an attack, what would he do? That's when I stopped searching. Yeah TBH if my partners family treated me like this I might be rethinking a lot. As a life long asthmatic I could never, ever, forgive someone who hid my inhaler and you are awesome for having your fiancs back. not everyone uses them. NTA. Bullies are going to bully, but at least if you elope, they won't have the opportunity and no one else will be asking you where your dad and brother are. I'd protect him & any future kids you have with everything you have in you. Its also not a prank if not everyone is laughing. Not ok. Also this went way too far. Taking someone's enhaler can kill them. Youre NTA but you will be if you force your future husband to be around them. Your mom is just as conditioned as you are/were. People with asthma can die from their condition. Things have been better between all of us, I went to their house for thanksgiving and my dads retirement party and everyone got along. Plus wives will send your ass to the doctor. Dad needs to know his approval would have been nice but is not required. NTA these are not pranks, this is just immature and terrible behavior. I dont know where you are in the world OP, but where I live slashing someones tyres would be a criminal offence. NTA. They were so busy feeding their egos that it didn't occur to them that they were jerks who were committing a crime when slashing tires and seriously risking the fiances life when they hid his inhaler. NTA but you allowed this to go on way too long. If these guys need to grunt and scratch their balls to show that they are real men let them - but these are not jokes. Press J to jump to the feed. Thats what Im thinking too especially since they all admit it. Or messes with someones health as a prank? Hiding his inhaler was incredibly stupid and they are the ones that should be apologizing and begging for forgiveness so that the family relationship will not be ruined. Damn your dad is awful. My dad was an engineer, but he recognized early on that my now-husband was not a 'doer' in terms of being super physical and labor and all that. Ask them who was going to take responsibility if he died. You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. If anyone treated my husband like that I'd never speak to them again. With the cost of the tow and labor you might be talking more than a thousand. Not to mention, destroying someone else's property is not a prank, it's criminal behavior. Could be either! if something is destroyed or someone gets hurt (regardless of intention) then it is not a prank. Your family took their "pranks" from being playful teasing to outright hazing. NTA. Her brothers don't care enough to be in her wedding if they are in the same room as another person they don't like. Who cares about their opinions of your husband to be? Best of luck. Everyone should be laughing and no one's life should be in danger over one. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! Slashing someones tires is NOT a prank! They were okay with killing or seriously harming your husband. Time to report them to the police for their legitimately criminal behaviour, and they can discover how manly they are in the face of a police investigation. Oh man I just had a discussion about this with two guys in their 50s giving me shit for seeing a doctor and getting a check up. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. Theyre just acting sorry because youre making a stink about it. OP better step up her game. shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but i could be overreacting. You never mention where you stand, but Im willing to bet that if they dont line up, you probably wont enjoy their company much. The tire slashing would of been enough for me to cut my family out. and harmful. That's a crazy amount of money. That's what I was thinking & why I suggested elopement. My dad is technically my stepdad but he is the only dad I have ever known. Tim is a better person than most to endure your shitty family. To keep the peace they just put up with it. It's a little weird to feel like this age group of men relies on women to negotiate between them in order to discuss momentary weekness. Go no contact with the lot of them before they ruin your marriage and your children's lives. I understand this is the environment you grew up in, and might not know better, but hopefully these comments help with that. After I graduated my mom and I repaired our relationship and now are best friends. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. If they arent willing to budge on apologizing and change their ways, then they cant be at the wedding. OP, I'm sorry you grew up in such a toxic-masculine environment. Also, his son lived with us for three months and hates my mom and I simply because she didnt enable him like his father does. There's something wrong with anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires a prank. That's alright up bullying. They owe the both of you a bit apology but the trust is broken. im 90 down for no reason. Not if OP also makes fake invites to the wrong venue. You can certainly take them on trips and include them in the family activities and all that, but always follow the number one rule of life, Don't be a dick. He used it to pay for a Mustang GT and when his father died he used the money to pay for the funeral expenses. This!! Yeah- it bothers me that OP calls slashing someone's tires is "a prank". The fact he still wants to continue in this relationship says a lot about his feelings for you. Hey OP, your family sucks big time. Who are they to judge masculinity? NTA-a set of tires can cost $1000 to replace. ESH. 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